I have found that there is much more of a “business” aspect
to TTC than anyone should ever realize.
There comes a time where any veteran of trying to conceive begins to
look at the entire system as a routine.
BD times become meetings, test dates are forecasted with on hand
technology, and every symptom from CD1 to Aunt Flo is documented and cataloged
for later study. It’s almost
inevitable. Unfortunately, since this is
not the way it normally happens naturally it is also pretty darn depressing. When romancing your DH becomes an
“appointment” and you may have to pay for the privilege of having your next
“appointment” happen on a cold sterile OBGYN table…you can’t help but feel
you’ve lost something in the translation.
And since we are on the subject of paying for conception…does that not
feel so totally and insanely unfair to anyone else? Planning out a budget to conceive a child is
one of the most heart breaking things I’ve ever done. Maybe because I’m an accountant and I look at
dollars and cents all day my perspective is askew but I just can’t seem to get
my head around that even if we can afford to “have” a baby…we might not be able
to afford “making” one.
Looking into the cost of an IUI the first time…I almost had
a heart attack. One lab test for us
could feed a family for a week. Then the
kicker…no guarantee it even produces what you have paid for…really?!?!? All these big dollars being made for making
me a mother of three (or more) just seems…wrong. However, if it comes to that I will be one of
the suckers helping the baby making business go round. No matter how it grinds my gears, the truth
is that I would do anything short of crime or heresy to conceive again. I have found it is much harder to give up
something you want when you feel it should and could be achieved. I’ve had dreams fulfilled and
unfulfilled. I have had heartbreak and
victory. I can truly say I have never
desired anything as much as I have desired to conceive a happy and healthy child
we can take home with my husband. As
long as that’s true for me and millions of others like me…the baby-making
business will continue to be in full swing.
