I have been a sad, sad blogger for the past couple of months. There just has not been much to report. After all of my hoopla and hollering during my last post, me and payday haven’t done anything proactive on the TTC front recently. We went on a family vacation that was extremely needed. I had a great time on the beach and it was great to get relaxed with so much family surrounding us. Of course, the old TTC witch doesn’t like vacations, she says “look how much bigger the kids are than all the others! They are about to be 13 years old! Will you and your love every have babies together?” Anyway, I’m proud to say those were only whispers in what was an otherwise fabulously awesome beach vacation. We got back and it’s been business as usual.
Is it possible to have something you always think about but never have time for? My mom would say no…that if you really wanted something you made time. I guess I believe her, I do really want this but maybe I’ve made my peace with this level of rejection and do not wish to move to the “scientific” rejection stage. Needles don’t scare me but doctor’s nonchalantly discussing “chances” and “best case scenarios” give me the friggin willies. I think when a doctor tells you something, you must deal with it. I am a person who faces adversity/challenges head on. I have never been able to understand a person running from something they are going to have to deal with. Always seemed futile, you are literally running for the sake of running and the problem still persists. Well, now I get that. Sure the problem still persists BUT I don’t have to look at it do I? Investigate it? No thanks. It’s like closing your eyes when you take medicine from your mom. Even though closing your eyes actually makes the medicine taste worse (what with the extra sensory input from your taste buds and nose because of the sight being gone) , it is so much better than watching her hand with that pool of colored liquid make its way toward your face.
The thing is, this time there may be nothing but that steady creep of hand toward my face. No promises that once you take this you will feel better or this will take care of the problem. In fact, the hand with the medicine is saying you have to take this and taste all of it but it may or may not make you better. You might be that “sick”. And then even worse…at least to me…”You are too sick to be cured but I have no idea what’s wrong with you”. You want to talk about mountains of fear? That’s my Everest. I guess I better get climbing if I want to look in the mirror and believe I am who I say am. At the very least, I need to be me (no more no less) no matter what the outcome of this journey may be.
Stay thirsty my friends