I have found that there is much more of a “business” aspect to TTC than anyone should ever realize. There comes a time where any veteran of trying to conceive begins to look at the entire system as a routine. BD times become meetings, test dates are forecasted with on hand technology, and every symptom from CD1 to Aunt Flo is documented and cataloged for later study. It’s almost inevitable. Unfortunately, since this is not the way it normally happens naturally it is also pretty darn depressing. When romancing your DH becomes an “appointment” and you may have to pay for the privilege of having your next “appointment” happen on a cold sterile OBGYN table…you can’t help but feel you’ve lost something in the translation. And since we are on the subject of paying for conception…does that not feel so totally and insanely unfair to anyone else? Planning out a budget to conceive a child is one of the most heart breaking things I’ve ever done. Maybe because I’m an accountant and I look at dollars and cents all day my perspective is askew but I just can’t seem to get my head around that even if we can afford to “have” a baby…we might not be able to afford “making” one.
Looking into the cost of an IUI the first time…I almost had a heart attack. One lab test for us could feed a family for a week. Then the kicker…no guarantee it even produces what you have paid for…really?!?!? All these big dollars being made for making me a mother of three (or more) just seems…wrong. However, if it comes to that I will be one of the suckers helping the baby making business go round. No matter how it grinds my gears, the truth is that I would do anything short of crime or heresy to conceive again. I have found it is much harder to give up something you want when you feel it should and could be achieved. I’ve had dreams fulfilled and unfulfilled. I have had heartbreak and victory. I can truly say I have never desired anything as much as I have desired to conceive a happy and healthy child we can take home with my husband. As long as that’s true for me and millions of others like me…the baby-making business will continue to be in full swing.