*Find out more about Microblog Mondays here http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/
Sometimes the hard part about the journey is the hits your character seems to take. I love success, I love to see people endeavor and succeed. I want that for myself, I want that for others. Infertility has brought out jealousy issues I didn’t even know I had. I think in my former life (pre infertility apocalypse) I was just too oblivious to the people around me to want what they had or judge them. I seriously live in my own head so much of the time, my mom thought I might have socialization issues when I was young. Anyway, these days I find the bitterest thoughts there (in my head). Today the world found out that Kim Kardashian is pregnant. I found out this morning through an obligatory Instagram scroll. My first thought was “Really?!”. My second after that was a weary disgust at the first thought. I want to be so much better than I am with this. I was actually rooting for Kim K (or so I thought) because she was bringing a lot of attention to infertility during this season. However, when I saw that announcement this morning…my heart sank. Then it sank further because it sank in the first place. If there was a mirror for my heart, I’m afraid I wouldn’t recognize it now. What are those spots of bitterness doing there? What’s up with the lines of unease and frustration running throughout? Are those holes of discontent there permanently? Is that footprint of loss really mine? This isn’t my heart…this is the heart of a much older and much harder woman. I want mine back.
Till next time