Let’s talk about male factor infertility. So,
while we do not know for sure what is causing our infertility, the last
news we received was about a low sperm count for DH. We had botched the test and did the baby
dance too close to the testing date so we are not sure how accurate the results
were at that time. The first test we do
in 2014 will be an SA. As of right now,
we have no reason to believe more testing is needed on my side. So with all that, I have been reading some blogs that specify
male factor infertility. All I can say
is…I’m discouraged. Every blog that I have
read so far that ended in pregnancy only did so through IVF…sometimes of donor
sperm. That just sucks for my
situation. For us, adoption is not an
option that we would want to pursue. I
have children from my first marriage which my DH has basically raised as his
own and would adopt in a second. My DH
has no biological children of his own, that’s the point of TTC…we have no
children together. We wouldn’t want
donor sperm. Finally, IVF is so expensive it would take years to
save up for it…then it might not even work??
In short, there is really nothing that I can do. If it is a male factor issue…we will just
have to go with our options. Still
sucks. There is always a possibility (a
pretty good one in fact) that his next SA will turn out fine, in which case,
none of the above matters. Also, as
anyone in the TTC world would tell you, it only takes one. I am trying to be hopeful here because I am
very near the end of patient and sane thinking.
It is difficult to go on with regular life when your hope of something
you have wanted for so long has started to leave you. The worst part is with my payday. I don’t think he can talk about it with anyone. If it was me,
I would have plenty of female support and resources…he has no one. All of his male relatives have fathered
children without trying much. He wants
to be a dad so badly and though he is an eternal optimist (go figure with him
marrying the opposite), I know he would be crushed if he was never able to get
me pregnant.
So, I have reminded myself for the millionth time that God
would never put on me more than I can bear.
And said this prayer :
Thank you lord for all my blessings and your continued
presence in my life. Thank you for all
that I have and don’t deserve. Thank you
for my twins growing up healthy and happy preteens. Thank you for my miscarried little one that
was so hard for me at the time but has shown me your miracles. Lord help me,
help me be better and take the lessons you have to teach. Help me not to break down. Help me to be thankful in my spirit when my
heart is breaking. And if it be they
will, lord show me the light at the end of this tunnel.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
