Thursday, December 26, 2013

What if it's him?


Let’s talk about male factor infertility.  So,  while we do not know for sure what is causing our infertility, the last news we received was about a low sperm count for DH.  We had botched the test and did the baby dance too close to the testing date so we are not sure how accurate the results were at that time.  The first test we do in 2014 will be an SA.  As of right now, we have no reason to believe more testing is needed on my side.  So with all that,  I have been reading some blogs that specify male factor infertility.  All I can say is…I’m discouraged.  Every blog that I have read so far that ended in pregnancy only did so through IVF…sometimes of donor sperm.  That just sucks for my situation.  For us, adoption is not an option that we would want to pursue.  I have children from my first marriage which my DH has basically raised as his own and would adopt in a second.  My DH has no biological children of his own, that’s the point of TTC…we have no children together.  We wouldn’t want donor sperm.  Finally,  IVF is so expensive it would take years to save up for it…then it might not even work?? 

In short, there is really nothing that I can do.  If it is a male factor issue…we will just have to go with our options.  Still sucks.  There is always a possibility (a pretty good one in fact) that his next SA will turn out fine, in which case, none of the above matters.  Also, as anyone in the TTC world would tell you, it only takes one.  I am trying to be hopeful here because I am very near the end of patient and sane thinking.  It is difficult to go on with regular life when your hope of something you have wanted for so long has started to leave you.  The worst part is with my payday.  I don’t think he can talk about it with anyone.  If it was me,  I would have plenty of female support and resources…he has no one.  All of his male relatives have fathered children without trying much.  He wants to be a dad so badly and though he is an eternal optimist (go figure with him marrying the opposite), I know he would be crushed if he was never able to get me pregnant.

So, I have reminded myself for the millionth time that God would never put on me more than I can bear.  And said this prayer :

Thank you lord for all my blessings and your continued presence in my life.  Thank you for all that I have and don’t deserve.  Thank you for my twins growing up healthy and happy preteens.  Thank you for my miscarried little one that was so hard for me at the time but has shown me your miracles. Lord help me, help me be better and take the lessons you have to teach.  Help me not to break down.  Help me to be thankful in my spirit when my heart is breaking.  And if it be they will, lord show me the light at the end of this tunnel.  

In Jesus’ name,



  1. My Husband and I struggle with the same sort of thing. His SA comes back with lower stats than we would like and there's no support for him. I joined a RESOLVE Support group but they're exclusively women only clubs... which is annoying. Eventually he found online communities where he could vent and seek guidance but they are rare and far apart.

    1. I think that's terrible for them. Sometimes I think he doesn't need to talk as much as I do but I know he needs support on it sometimes. Personally, my TTC community has made a huge difference over the years. I might seek out some online support for him and see if he's open to sharing. Thanks for the idea!