I forgot about ovulation. I did. Like not on purpose…not the “relax and let live” then do all but bulls eye the date in your mind technique. I know that I haven’t ovulated yet…but I have not counted and seen when I WILL ovulate. Every time I say “Ok, I need to see what day I ovulate” I never actually make it to the calendar. Unfortunately, this is not the what will be will be acceptance that would be a step in the right direction. I am simply too tired to count. I am not misdirecting myself from the calendar or trying to think of other things to stop myself from counting…I am simply exhausted of counting and cataloging. I am overcome with heavy tiredness whenever I attempt to count. All of this might be good if it also meant I cared less…just a little less…whether I get pregnant or not. Of course this is not the case, every fiber still wants to be pregnant, every announcement still stings this cycle BUT I simply do not have the energy needed to go into the routine. What does that mean I wonder? Is this going to be a new state of being? Will I now be forced to endure the cross purposes of desire and exhaustion? As I am typing this I know I will figure out when I ovulate today but I am worried that the reason for this tiredness is that…I don’t want to try. I am really tired of trying. I can’t be tired of trying because I’m nowhere near giving up. My innerself and my body are in completely different places (not unusual in the fertility world) and I have no idea how to get them on the same page. I’m just so damn tired.