*Find out more about Microblog Mondays here http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2014/09/what-is-microblog-mondays/
Sometimes the hard part about the journey is the hits your
character seems to take. I love success,
I love to see people endeavor and succeed.
I want that for myself, I want that for others. Infertility has brought out jealousy issues I
didn’t even know I had. I think in my
former life (pre infertility apocalypse) I was just too oblivious to the people
around me to want what they had or judge them.
I seriously live in my own head so much of the time, my mom thought I
might have socialization issues when I was young. Anyway, these days I find the bitterest
thoughts there (in my head). Today the
world found out that Kim Kardashian is pregnant. I found out this morning through an
obligatory Instagram scroll. My first
thought was “Really?!”. My second after
that was a weary disgust at the first thought.
I want to be so much better than I am with this. I was actually rooting for Kim K (or so I
thought) because she was bringing a lot of attention to infertility during this
season. However, when I saw that announcement
this morning…my heart sank. Then it sank
further because it sank in the first place.
If there was a mirror for my heart, I’m afraid I wouldn’t recognize it
now. What are those spots of bitterness
doing there? What’s up with the lines of
unease and frustration running throughout?
Are those holes of discontent there permanently? Is that footprint of loss really mine? This isn’t my heart…this is the heart of a
much older and much harder woman. I want
mine back.
Till next time
