Epic

 

I’ve been thinking (you probably see that I tend to do too much of that).  There is an epic amount of everything in IF.  Don’t you think so?  It seems like there’s just too much of every damn thing.  It’s too much heartbreak, too much sorrow, too much hope, too much monotony.  Looking for a rarity in biology, (a 15% chance after 30 and rolling steady downward after that) that is even more rare in your case (for whatever your reasons are) means that we are steadily looking at rules instead of exceptions.  We are even looking at (and analyzing) the hope for those exceptions.  The hope itself is in enormous quantity.

 At the same time that we have these millions of couples out here struggling to conceive, we have millions more (what seem like billions to us) blasting their successful rarities…what we know to be true miracles…in top quality surround sound and 3D pictures to match.  It is a lot.  Epic.  If I had to describe infertility to anyone in one word, that would be it.  Everything about it is huge.  All things going into it and coming out of it (whether you end up with a baby or not) are gargantuan. Every baby on the planet and in the womb is somehow in the mix. Them and everything about conception HAS to be in the mix. 

 Millions of sperm (if you’re lucky), one egg (if you’re lucky), and one hope for a purposeful meeting of the two…and finally you watching it not happen as many times as it takes or until you (or your body) give up.  I have had around 55 unsuccessful cycles. 55.  FIFTY FIVE.  I have a lot of patience and I still believe I have a lot of faith but the truth is I might not have enough of ANYTHING to keep my sanity against the enormous epic of EVERYTHING that is infertility. 

Thank God it’s not me alone.  This is where I pray because I need something more than I got to fight for what I want.

 

Till next time…