Dreams

My blog is apparently getting a lot of love this month.  I had the craziest dream last night.  No, I’m not pregnant.  Incidentally, isn't it weird how you train yourself to state the answer to “Are you pregnant?” without being asked?  Anytime something happens to me that might be said is a pregnancy symptom, I usually sigh and answer before someone asks me that question.  As an IF person, you pretty much always know whether you are pregnant or not so the question is just agonizing to hear.  I digress.  Anyway, this dream was about a positive pregnancy test (of course).   It was so REAL.  I knew the pregnancy test would be positive in the dream.  My dreams are usually like that (where I know what will happen) and sometimes I even know I’m dreaming.  A psychologist would say something to do with me needing to control things or some such nonsense but I had HORRIFIC night terrors that actually grew up with me till about 13.  I learned how to “control” my dreams.  Otherwise, I would be scaring my parents to death crying/screaming/fighting in my sleep all night. 

This dream wasn't one that I knew I was dreaming while I was dreaming.  That’s what made it so real.  It was in our current home…that’s not normal of my dreams either. I don’t know if it’s some kind of defense mechanism or something but normally my dreams happen at some place I’ve seen before or been before.  Rarely do they involve my current dwelling…adding to the realness.  The test looked real, my family was at my home and payday was coming to the door as I was running out to show him the test.  I woke up with my heart pounding in my chest and shaking all over.  It’s exactly the way I (and both twins might I add) wake up from nightmares.  It wasn’t fear…it’s hard to describe.  It was like excruciatingly vivid.  Then when I woke up, it was like my body…my whole self was still holding the dream.  Dramatic I know, but that’s as close as I can get.  I’m about to cry with what I’m about to type.  I’ve said I believed before only to return to my depressed “It probably won’t happen” state of being.  This dream…while I was in it…and while I am remembering it.  I believe.  I will be pregnant again.

Till next time…